Lead Me

Leadership. It’s your role, take it.

I once wrote a post about nice guys. But guys should not simply be “nice guys.” Yes, you should be gentlemen and be kind to people, but the words “nice guy” tends to carry the connotation of  weakness. Men of God are not weak, they fight, they lead, and they take risks. They also love, care, and do what’s right. They realize they are frail human beings. They realize they make mistakes, but they also know that Christ is their strength. They do not accept the lie that they can’t be a strong man and a leader because they are a young (1 Timothy 4:12).

Tonight I was very proud of a friend of mine. He lead, not because he had to and not because he was made to, but because he he chose to. This friend has never been one to volunteer to lead. We’ve always had to push him some, but tonight he wanted to. It wasn’t anything huge, but leadership is leadership no matter how big or small.

Christian women want Christian men to be leaders. So many times I think that when the men don’t lead, the women feel the need to step in. I know I do. This isn’t good. Things go much better when men are in charge. (gasp! A girl just said that?! Yes, I did because it’s true.)

I (as well as other Christian girls) long for strong, young, leaders. We want guys around who will lead us in life and in our spiritual walks. Sure, we can get that from our youth pastor or other male leaders in the church, but there is something incredibly encouraging about a young man taking his God-given position of leadership…and leading.

When guys lead I feel safe, I feel respected, and I feel like things are how God created them to be. When you lead, you gain my respect.

 

Chivalry

Sometimes I wonder if we even know what chivalry is. Chivalry is severely lacking in our culture today. I have this thing with giving you guys actual definitions from google because I can’t ever figure out how to say a definition in my own way, so heres the definition of chivalrous:  honorable, especially to women; involving chivalry or being attentive to women like an ideal knight. The fairy tales aren’t to far off then are they? =)

One reason that chivalry is so lacking is, honestly, because of feminism. A lot of women discourage you from acting like gentlemen because they have the mind set that men and women are exactly the same. That statement is a lie. In 1 Corinthians 11:3 it says:

“Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God”

This doesn’t mean that men are above women it simply means that we are different, and that we have our places in God’s creation.

My friend opened the door for his cousin one time, and she totally flipped out and slapped him on the face. It’s like some girls think that it’s an insult of some kind. When you guys get that kind of reaction from us girls it discourages you and makes you think that you did something that girls don’t like. Which, some girls don’t like it, but that doesn’t take away the fact that being a gentleman is the right thing to do. I also know that being a gentleman isn’t the popular thing to do, but there are TONS of girls who are looking for a guy to be one! Plus, the girls that you want to attract, like being around those types of guys because usually those guys have respect for girls and we know that they won’t take advantage of us, or our friendship.

A couple of months ago my youth group went to conference in Ohio and one of my friends was a really cool example of being a gentlemen. It was really cold and icy and he walked one of our youth leaders (a woman) from the conference center to the van. I thought that was so awesome! And it was such a great thing for the other guys in my youth group to see.

Being a gentleman and chivalrous really isn’t that hard. Here are some things you can do for us:

Open the car door

Walk on the street side of the sidewalk

Offer her your seat

Hold the door open for her

Let her go first

offer to go start her car when it’s cold

Pump her gas

Just understand that one reason girls don’t want you to be chivalrous is because it makes them feel uncomfortable or babied. You have to make sure that you are doing these things in a way that won’t make you look like you don’t think we are capable to do it ourselves. We are still independant people! Practice on your sisters and close girl friends, it will help you when you are in a relationship =) Plus, you don’t have to be in a relationship to treat girls this way.

Why? (part 2?)

On my last post called “why” I was trying my hardest to try to think through why the jerks get the good-looking girls and what a jerk is. Well, on that post a got a comment from one of my guy friends. Here’s the comment:

“This is a thought-provoking post. Thanks for sharing. I did some research and some thinking…I hope this helps identify the “Jerk” upfront so that girls can avoid a dating relationship with one:

Jerks are self-centered and don’t show respect. They only think of themselves. They aren’t afraid to walk up to a girl and talk. This isn’t a bad thing, in fact, I think girls are attracted to that (something the nice guy needs to learn how to do, but in a respectful way haha) because they think he cares. But if the girl rejects the jerk then he thinks something is wrong with HER, not him.

Jerks come across as fun, interesting, and even exciting at first because they aren’t worried about offending anybody. They will talk about whatever and anything. Too many girls mistake this as “confidence.” And the nice guy can seem boring to the girl because he is afraid to talk with the her for fear of rejection.

Most jerks “lust” instead of “love” over the girl. They only think about themselves. “True Love” is “not rude or self-seeking…”, 1 Corinthians 13.

Again, I hope this will help some girls avoid dating the “jerk” by identifying him upfront. You still need to pray and seek wisdom about it too before making a decision.”

Man, that sums it up so well! He basically said everything thing that I couldn’t get out of my brain on the last one. In the beginning he says something about defining a jerk so that the girls reading this won’t date them, but I think that the guys should look at this just as carefully. Think about which one you are.

I think he also makes a good point when he says:

“Jerks are self-centered and don’t show respect. They only think of themselves. They aren’t afraid to walk up to a girl and talk. This isn’t a bad thing, in fact, I think girls are attracted to that (something the nice guy needs to learn how to do, but in a respectful way haha)”

And…

“Jerks come across as fun, interesting, and even exciting at firstbecause they aren’t worried about offending anybody. They will talk about whatever and anything. Too many girls mistake this as “confidence.” And the nice guy can seem boring to the girl because he is afraid to talk with the her for fear of rejection.”

As awful as this may be…he is 100% correct. The jerks do come across as fun and exciting, and the nice guys can seem somewhat boring. BUT please, please, please! Do not let this discourage you! You don’t have to be the boring nice guy. Like “Scott” says, nice guys need to learn to talk to girls and have fun hanging out with us but in a respectful way, avoiding all of characteristics listed above.

Why?

The other day I was talking to a man about my blog and he had a few very interesting questions/comments. He is a public school teacher and one thing he said he notices is that, a lot of times, the guys who are jerks, get the best looking girls. I guess I had always noticed that, I’ve just never put it into words. As I thought about it more though I realized how extremely true that is, and I questioned why that’s the way it is.

First off, the jerk guys usually stand out because they are obnoxious and loud. The nice guys typically aren’t obnoxious, haha that’s one reason they are the nice guys. These two types of guys are confident in two different ways. The jerks are confident in that, honestly, they are usually good-looking and they know it. They know that girls like them and so they flaunt it, flirt, and play with girls. They lack confidence is such a way that they feel like they need to be a jerk to get even more attention and to show off.  They know that since they are good looking they can get whatever they want from a girl, which might be true depending on the girl. I have noticed that really they just act like they have confidence. Pulling people down isn’t confidence, and maybe you have heard that. They feel like they need to bash others in order to feel bigger, whether they would admit that or not.

The nice guys are confident when it comes to the fact that they don’t feel like they have to make fun of people in order to to feel good about themselves. They aren’t cocky or obnoxious. They are considerate toward people, which makes them the opposite of a jerk. So why then, do the jerks get the good-looking girls? For one thing, I think the girls we are talking about here could be the same as the guy. They know that they are good-looking therefore they know they could get any guy they want and get anything out of him that they want. Girls can be very caddy, meaning we can be very mean gossips who care way to much about what people think of us and what we think about other people. As you all know girls are known for talking……A LoT. Not all of us are big talkers but a lot of us are. So we bash people too, it’s just in a different way. Maybe these girls just want a shallow guy to give them what they want and vise versa.

If you aren’t one of the jerks maybe you are jealous of the attention these types of guys get and you wonder what the point of having standards is, or if it’s worth being nice to people. Well, it is. You will save yourself so much heartache and pain if you hold out for the right girl and put your effort into a good relationship. These girls and guys no depth in their relationships for the most part and it’s usually all physical stuff.

I am still trying to work through why the jerks get good looking girls. Especially because I wouldn’t ever want to date a jerk. But really, how much of us having this opinion is just that we see the popular people who get what they want and influence others? Not all good-looking girls go for the jerks, and not all good-looking guys are jerks. If you have any comments on why you think this is, post a comment for me!

Nice guys finish last? NO!

Lately I have been hearing guys say some stuff that really makes me hurt for them. They have been saying things like; “The nice guys always finish last.” or “girls never give the good guys a second glance.” This is the farthest from the truth. Girls (the Christian girls striving toward Christ) would rather be around the nice guys. We don’t just notice the jocks, the funny guys, or the flirts, and we certainly don’t respect them. If a girl is just paying attention to these types of guys, then why are you interested in her?

Some guys seem to think that girls want a shallow flirty guy who has no boundaries. And some girls do want that. But what a girl sometimes wants, isn’t always whats best for them. An actual scientific study showed that the flirty girls who always have to have attention from guys and try to get that attention, don’t have good solid men in their lives. Maybe they don’t have a dad who loves them, or at least he doesn’t act like he does. Maybe they have been abused. So, for these girls they just want your attention because they don’t know where else to get it. And in order to get it they flirt with you. It’s your job to give girls what is best for them, not what they “ask” for. My brother said something very interesting while we were walking downtown somewhere. He said “These girls are just asking to be raped. Look at what they are wearing!” Isn’t that a thought provoking statement? When girls wear inappropriate clothing, we do anything but help you out. The thing is that girls know that how they dress has an impact on you. My point is, is that girls don’t make it easy for you to respect them. I get it. But it’s your job to do it anyway.  I also know that me saying it is a whole lot easier than you doing it!

For those of you who consider yourself a “nice guy”, keep it up! The world needs more of you! I think I can safely say that Christian girls get really tired of the cocky, perverted guys in the world! It is a breath of fresh air when a guy is genuinely nice and caring just because he can be, not because he wants to flirt with you! There is a lack of respect in our culture that is so intensely needed!

For those of you who think of yourselves as one of the “cocky and perverted guys” I challenge you not give girls what they “ask” for. Give them what is best for them, which in this point in our lives would be friendship and respect.  Help them know that they are worth more than they give themselves credit for and that they don’t need to flirt with guys in order to get attention. The kind of attention they are getting isn’t the kind that they want or need! They are lowering themselves and their standards, which are two things a girl should never feel like she has to do!