So what should you do?

11 07 2010

After writing my last post called “Why do Girls Dress the Way They Do?” one of my guy friends asked a simple question. He asked, “What should a Christian guy’s response be to immodest girls?” This is a very good question, and I think guys have the right to say something about it…to a point.

If the girl isn’t a Christian, you really can’t say anything about it. The reason being: if I wasn’t a Christian I would be dressing that way too. I mean, why not? I would have no reason not to. But even though you can’t say something doesn’t mean you can’t do something about it. For example, look the girl in the eyes instead of her revealed features. Try to distract your eyes to something else. I’m not a guy and I don’t think I understand how hard that is, but please try.

If she is a Christian, I believe you, as Christian guys, have every right to say something, BUT how you approach the subject is REALLY important. In most cases girls do not want guys telling them they are being immodest. It would be embarrassing, but I feel you should still have a say.

If she is a really good friend and you feel she would be okay(ish) with hearing it from you, then say something directly to her. By “ish” I mean she will be mature enough to take it and understand why you are saying this to her. Make sure you say it nicely! We are girls, we don’t take stuff the same way you do. Try saying something like, “I am trying to keep my thoughts pure and that shirt is making that pursuit of purity difficult, would you mind changing?” REMEMBER! Say it compassionately and nicely!

If you don’t have that close of a relationship with her but you do with one of her good friends, go to her friend and request she say something to her. It may be beneficial on your part to ask the friend not to reveal it was you who asked, but that may or may not stay a secret long…

Going to a woman youth leader or someone respected would be a good option as well. Depending on the situation, the parents may be your best bet. When you go to somebody besides the girl, make sure that you aren’t disrespectful. Make it clear that it is because you want to respect her and you want to keep your thoughts clean that you feel it needed to be brought up.

I hope this helps! I think Christian girls need to be informed by their peers when they are wearing inappropriate clothes. To hear it at a women’s conference or from parents can be like hearing “blah blah blah blah blah…” We hear it from them all the time.

One last thing. Girls don’t completely understand modesty. Because our minds don’t work like yours, showing off skin is no big deal. Try to be patient with us and help us.

***And to any ladies reading! If a guy (or anybody) asks you to change because they don’t think what you are wearing is appropriate, don’t get mad. Simply smile, say okay, walk away, change, and come back. They are doing it out of respect and love for you!***

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4 responses

15 07 2010
Nick Ferstanzy Zickii

Good ideas with a more complex topic. I think that if you have not already discussed this topic it is of the utmost importance that at some point the idea of addressing a sister in Christ with both compassion and truth should be labeled more articulately if at all possible. In my experience(although I havent arrived at perfection, not even close actually) a lot of addressing a girl can be made better if the guy can observe and better get to know the girl better. I’m not talking about trying to turn his swag on or check her out, but rather observe how she takes criticism and interactes in different situations. Nevertheless, I thought this post was great.

19 07 2010
Wesley M

Girls may not understand what the line of modesty and discretion is, even as a guy it is hard to know the line, but girls, if you are truly a Christian woman, seeking a strong-Christian man, you can tell if you have gained or lost respect with a christian guy (based on your modesty) by trying to hold an intelligible, at least not pointless, conversation with them. As a Christian guy, it is hard to sustain a meaningful conversation with a girl who is immodest, because there is a lack of respect there. By immodest I in no way mean beautiful, you can still be very beautiful and have a guys full respect. Also some guys just can’t hold conversations with any girls because of nerves, so just because a guy can’t talk to you doesn’t mean your immodest, haha. I think it is very important that guys and girls have good relationships outside of dating, and this happens by an equal output of effort on both sides, guys having purity of thought, and girls having purity in their apparel. I really appreciate your blog Kelly, it is a very good thing.

19 07 2010
Kelly

This is awesome Wes! Thanks so much for sharing this! I’ve never thought of it like that!

27 07 2010
Steven

a group of guys and i were hanging out and talking about this just last Thursday. one of the guys said he told a girl on face book that she should remove some pictures that she put up. He also told her in person as respectful as he could, and she got mad at him. She doesn’t talk to him to this day. we were trying to figure out how to go about this without hurting girls feelings. thank you for the blog.

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