More on Modesty

12 08 2010

A lot of girls wouldn’t consider themselves immodest. While there a lot of girls who know that what they are wearing is showing off too much, there are also a lot of girls who don’t even realize it. You know what our thoughts are? We say to ourselves “Well I’m not as bad as her!” or when we are getting dressed maybe we will subconsciously say “I’ve seen worse…” therefore we call ourselves “modest” whether it’s the truth or not.

I have girl friends that will tell me “I don’t think I’m immodest..” and when you look at them, I say to myself  “Well it’s not THAT bad I’ve seen worse.” But then I realized that we shouldn’t be comparing. What is modest, is modest and after that line, it’s immodest.

Let me also explain to you the extreme amount of work it takes to be modest, ok? Hopefully you will appreciate the girls who strive to be modest after you read this part! haha. When we walk into a store to go shopping and we start looking around we see all of the cute clothes there are. But then we try it on and it’s too tight or too low. Then we think “Bummer! It’s really cute!…But it’s not that bad..” We have to work at not letting ourselves buy into that lie. So then we go out and try to find a shirt to go under it or a shirt that isn’t so tight. I can almost guarantee you that if a girl is trying to dress modestly it takes WAYYY more time to shop for clothes (and if they are like me, they hate that part!).

If at all possible, I would encourage you to thank a girl you know that works hard at being modest. It can get kind of discouraging at times because we don’t think it makes any difference at all. To know that somebody appreciates it and notices it, is really encouraging!

Okay, I’ll stop talking about modesty now :P I think this is post number 3 on it! haha new topic next week!



So what should you do?

11 07 2010

After writing my last post called “Why do Girls Dress the Way They Do?” one of my guy friends asked a simple question. He asked, “What should a Christian guy’s response be to immodest girls?” This is a very good question, and I think guys have the right to say something about it…to a point.

If the girl isn’t a Christian, you really can’t say anything about it. The reason being: if I wasn’t a Christian I would be dressing that way too. I mean, why not? I would have no reason not to. But even though you can’t say something doesn’t mean you can’t do something about it. For example, look the girl in the eyes instead of her revealed features. Try to distract your eyes to something else. I’m not a guy and I don’t think I understand how hard that is, but please try.

If she is a Christian, I believe you, as Christian guys, have every right to say something, BUT how you approach the subject is REALLY important. In most cases girls do not want guys telling them they are being immodest. It would be embarrassing, but I feel you should still have a say.

If she is a really good friend and you feel she would be okay(ish) with hearing it from you, then say something directly to her. By “ish” I mean she will be mature enough to take it and understand why you are saying this to her. Make sure you say it nicely! We are girls, we don’t take stuff the same way you do. Try saying something like, “I am trying to keep my thoughts pure and that shirt is making that pursuit of purity difficult, would you mind changing?” REMEMBER! Say it compassionately and nicely!

If you don’t have that close of a relationship with her but you do with one of her good friends, go to her friend and request she say something to her. It may be beneficial on your part to ask the friend not to reveal it was you who asked, but that may or may not stay a secret long…

Going to a woman youth leader or someone respected would be a good option as well. Depending on the situation, the parents may be your best bet. When you go to somebody besides the girl, make sure that you aren’t disrespectful. Make it clear that it is because you want to respect her and you want to keep your thoughts clean that you feel it needed to be brought up.

I hope this helps! I think Christian girls need to be informed by their peers when they are wearing inappropriate clothes. To hear it at a women’s conference or from parents can be like hearing “blah blah blah blah blah…” We hear it from them all the time.

One last thing. Girls don’t completely understand modesty. Because our minds don’t work like yours, showing off skin is no big deal. Try to be patient with us and help us.

***And to any ladies reading! If a guy (or anybody) asks you to change because they don’t think what you are wearing is appropriate, don’t get mad. Simply smile, say okay, walk away, change, and come back. They are doing it out of respect and love for you!***

Why Do Girls Dress the Way They Do?

4 07 2010

     I have always known that modesty was important, that I needed to help out my guy friends, and it was something that was expected of me from my family. I have never wanted to dress immodestly but just within the past couple of weeks I have really begun to understand the vast importance of dressing modestly. Why? Well, I don’t want to do or wear anything that will make you stumble. It’s that simple. I want your respect and I want you to know I respect you. I also want you to know I respect myself and how I dress can show all of this.

     But why do girls dress the way they do? Honestly, a lot of  it is a self-image issue, a respect issue, and a love issue. It’s a self-image issue because the world is telling me that I have to be a size double O jean, have every guys attention, and do my hair a certain way. The way the world sees girls defines a lot of girls self-image. They aren’t a double O, not all the guys are attracted to them, and their hair just doesn’t work like she want’s it to, therefore she deems herself as hopelessly flawed and worthless. So in order to change that feeling of worthlessness,  she tries to wear a double O (even though that makes her jeans way to tight) and then wears tops that are revealing because she knows she will get a guys attention that way (even though that’s not the kind of attention she really want’s). She views herself as nothing unless she looks like the airbrushed model in the magazine, and has the attention of boys.

     It’s a respect issue because, like I said, she views herself as worthless, therefore she has little to no respect for herself. By flaunting her body she is showing that she does not respect her body or herself. To me, it also shows that she doesn’t expect the respect of you either, although that is usually a subconscious thing because girls are always complaining about the lack of respect that the guys show them. I just want to  say “Look at what you are wearing. Of course they don’t respect you.” But I have always held back haha.

     It’s a love issue. You know why? Because she can’t love herself so she wants yours. She can’t get it by being herself, remember? because she thinks she’s worthless so why would anybody want her? She can only get your “love” by flaunting the sex appeal. Usually the love issue always stems from something like the lack of love she has gotten at home. Maybe her dad wasn’t around, or maybe he was physically but not emotionally. Whatever the reason, she wants to feel love by getting the attention from guys. When you get the feeling that’s what a girl wants, for you to fill a void, that should be a red flag because you can’t fill it. It doesn’t matter how hard you try.

     I think that a lot of this isn’t processed by the girls while they are in it. But a lot of women say the same things I’ve said once they step back and look at their past, or even their present. Once Jesus is the main focus and HE is what they are striving to please they realize why they dressed and acted in certain ways; to please others not God.

     The bottom line is, girls want your attention and we know how to get it. We know that if we dress ourselves a certain way and/or act a certain way that we will get a guys attention. The question is, is it the right kind of attention? No, and the kind of guys that respond to this kind of behavior aren’t the kind of guys that any girl should be willing to lower herself to.